Yeah, yeah....

Yet another damned holiday that I don't really get all that exited about. My mom and brother used to love it, used to scheme for weeks. I have fond memories of taking eggs, ketchup and mustard bottles and going out on mischief night with my brother when I was 14, he would have been 10.
But really, meh.
The kids look adorable today: Sawyer is Simba from the Lion King, and Riley is a lightning bug. The neon green patch over her round little belly looks adorable. Sawyer's costume is furry, and he keeps petting himself. Too cute.
It will be too dark and too cold to go out into our neighborhood and go Trick-or Treating after I get off work today, but their daycare is throwing them an impressive soiree. I'm dreading trying to put them to bed tonight.

So exited I could pee myself!!!!

I work with a wonderful woman who has connections all over the area through her charity work. Last week she told me that a close friend of hers was on the Board of Directors at Habitat for Humanity, and that their enrollment for next summers' build was drawing close. I had no idea that this organization helped people in the US. I contacted Board Member Lady and she emailed me a pre-application on Friday. I filled it in and faxed it yesterday afternoon. When I came into the office this morning I already had an email from her stating that I was a "strong candidate for a Habitat home"!! Mine, along with a dozen or so other applications now move onto the next step, which is to interview with 4 or 5 volunteer Board Members. Apparently, this next step involves them getting to know me, my goals and my ability to build and stay in the home once completed. I will need to put in 250 hours of work on the home, I can "hire" family and friends to help me, I will take classes on everything from building to home maintenance to plumbing and home finance from now until the build in June - should I be awarded the build. I don't know what to say, except that today was supposed to be a day in court, and through my own will, determination and drive I have turned this day into My Day. Today I am filled with hope.

While my mother sits in a tube right now, with dye injected into her face and noisy machines clanking above her, I know everything will be okay. All the pieces are lining up and the life I always knew I could have is closeby. Even though I am worried out of my mind for my mom, I just know all will be well. I am truly blessed.

...and it reminds me of something someone told me recently: fill your life with negative - surround yourself with negative energy and that will be all that is drawn to you. Change starts from within, you need to be the change you want to bring in your life, and be the change you wish to see in others.

Today:

In dealing with stupid people, a busy weekend and clients who think they know It all:

Possible Side Effects Include:

I have only used my inhaler twice in over a month. My allergies - which usually blow up this time of year, seem somewhat dormant. I HAVE ONE PIMPLE ON MY FACE. I repeat, I am not currently, nor have I been recently, besieged by acne. I am sleeping well (of course, last night being the exception due to Sawyer pummelling me), am losing more weight, am happier, have more patience... this whole roundhouse kick to my former life has really done me some good.

Impatient

So along with all the other big-huge changes I am making in my life right now, I am currently going through the process of developing a financial plan. I am rounding up all the embarrassing factoids of just how lazy and poor I have been and having a man I trust implicitly figure out a Plan of Action for me.
The first thing that I don't like about this, is that it totally throws a wrench in my charitable donations. I spent $20 on a gal I know yesterday - I bought some clothes for her little baby girl. She fled her boyfriend after he beat her when she found out she was pregnant with a girl. She was beaten so badly that she went into labor 3 months early. Her little one survived, but only after being in the hospital for over a month. This is what I want, these are the women I want to help.
Anyway, when I got back into the office from my lunchtime shopping expedition, I was greeted by six feet of waving-a-finger-at-me.
I must be patient. There will come a time, over the next couple of years where I will be able to join other strong, successful women in the community and give until it hurts. But not now. My Bosslady belongs to an organization called Altrusa. They are beautiful women with a strong desire to give back. I am itching to join them. Patience, grasshopper.

The Women In My Life

I have been riding a wonderful, estrogen fueled influx of positive mojo lately. There have been several recent additions to the roster of females in my life.
I have girls in official places with official titles that officially think I kick official ass, and wanna help me kick said ass... There's Babs - my legal eagle, and then - Hildegarde.
Hildegarde (or Hildy) is a big 'ol gal. She's a '94 Chrysler minivan. Hildy has, until this past Monday, been the often- forgotten mistress of a 60 year old electrician. She's seen her better days. She smells like a 60 year old electrician. Her sliding side door was broken up until yesterday, she needs a little encouragement early in the morning, and (much like her new caretaker) she's got a big ass. Getting my bearings on just how wide her backside is has been comical at best. She will be going into a detailing shop next week to get her insides all cleaned out. I'm doing a thorough four step upholstery cleaning - just in case one of the poopers drops their PB&J on the floor and wants to rescue it. The cleaning will be well worth the $150 if I can be rid of the odor of 60 year old electrician.
J-Dawg, my counselor and advocate extraordinaire is just about the sweetest woman I have ever met. Like make your teeth turn sideways sweet. She has a way of stating her strong opinions that sound both soothing and powerful at the same time. It's really quite a talent. We have discussed some really heavy stuff, and some not so heavy stuff. Anything from the role of the successful woman, to Napoleon complexes and bloating. From the minute I walked into her office, I felt like I have always known her.
My dearest friend Ayala is someone I have always admired. I have always felt so overshadowed by her brilliance and determination - and she has always admired my feminine aire. She is a force to be reckoned with. She is not easily swayed but is fiercely loyal, and if there was one person whose knowledge and insight on what's going on in my life right now I am blessed to have, it is hers. I don't have to explain anything to her, I don't have to try and paint a portrait of how I feel or of what my reality has been like these past years - she knows. She gets it. She always has.
Sara is a new friend - and The Bossman's Lady. She had her bachellarette party last Saturday and invited me along. What I found interesting was that most of her long time friends pooped out early, and her and I were up giggling and singing until the wee hours of the morning. I was her wingman - she made a killing selling lollipops. I even watched her son while she forced the rest of her gin and tonics out the next morning and slept for a few hours. We had an absolute blast! We started the night with a drag show, moved to a really lame, boring bar, and then finished the night at probably the most crazy nightclub in the city. It was wall to wall people, and she was able to rescue both myself and her mother from unwanted advances. Her and I are very alike in our views and sense of humor. She's absolutely lovely, and her son will some day be the bane of her sanity - and I truly adore spending time with her. (And I think my son has a crush on her!)
And then there's Ma. My dear, stalwart Italian queen. The woman who has been waiting for me to wake the hell up for a loooooong time. While I have not heard a single "I told you so" from her, I know she's just itching to let one loose. It has been hard for her to be away from me and the poopers. She wants to be here to help and provide support, and so that my cuties have some more familiar faces around - but medical concerns have her hopelessly marooned on the East Coast. Two lumps of questionable nature have been spotted - one "in" her face, one behind her ear. She has the first of several scans this morning, and is in a tube right now. I'm crossing my fingers and ordering my brother to stand by her this week. I wish I could be there to hold her hand, and she feels the same way. In the next week or two, when we get the results back from her neurologist, I pray that the distance is not too much of a strain on our support for each other. She walks every day, eats right, and volunteers her time for a local church organization. I am proud to have the mother I do now, and no one or nothing could ever change that. She has come a long way. We all have our hiccups - but I am proud to have her as my Ma.

Blech.

Puuuuking. Throooowing up....
Damned Chili's. Those evil people and their evil chicken tacos.....

Bleeeh.

Urgh. Six people at dinner Tuesday night and I'm the only one that got sick. Bastards.



......

On a lighter note, my little Riley-Gurl is using a big girl cup now!! Yeay Riley!

The Stars Align Again

Even though I have tossed my proverbial cookies twice this morning, and will be leaving work early today to go shove my head between two pillows and try to sleep.... even though I feel crappy, I have reason to smile.

For the second day in a row I have received information that there are greater- more positive forces- at work for me... forces to counteract the negative I am trying to remove from my life. It would seem my honest words and clear message were heard and answered.

Something tells me that my dear, sweet brother has his hands in all this. He's kept pretty quiet these last few years, but I'm thinking this particular situation strikes a chord with him. (Steven never liked this guy anyway!)

Here's to truth, clarity and sleeping better,

-A.

Blessings

I just got a call from a woman who has been a great help to me recently.
Honestly, I don't know what to say.
She had some bad news concerning some administrative issues and research we are doing, and three minutes into her voicemail, she told me some news that I honestly cannot believe - and certainly don't know how to react to.

I am being given a vehicle. Last night, some kind soul came to her office and donated a minivan. Just like that - gave away a vehicle. So her and her staff called me to let me know that me and my little angels were the first ones they thought of. All I need to do is take care of some minor paperwork, I'll have a mechanic check it out, get insurance and I have to collect the kids' car seats.... and that's it - seriously - I have a car. No more busses, no more cabs - me - I have a car.
I don't know how long it will take to finalize everything for me to be able to use it, probably about a week. Hopefully.
Wow. Serious - Wow.

Cute Teenage Posterboard: Part Two

Maybe it's because out of all of my Hollywood favs, I've seen more of this guy than any other. There's something to be said for the wonders of late night television... and a pause button.

I think it speaks volumes that the mystery is gone, yet I still can't get enough of looking at this tall drink of Aussie water!

Learning Disorder

So I may just be the smartest little cutie 'round these parts, but there is a lesson that I have had a hard time learning of late.
It's not a good idea to burst into laughter when confronted with someone else's anger. It will usually exacerbate the situation. But ya know, I just can't help myself. It's like when a Pomeranian thinks they can take on the wise, huge elephant.... just the thought of it is funny. The way they look like a little crazed, fluffy maniac - trying to come across as bigger, badder and more fearsome than they really are. It's all a rouse... and a bad one at that. When you shave down all that coiffed fur, they are just skinny little rats with an inferiority complex.

And no one else seems to believe the yipping either. I'll just sit back and wait for everyone else to laugh with me.

Ataaaaack!!

I am currently besought by an evil virus. It made its way through the ranks of my children and now - due to increased stress - it is staging an assault on my personal forces.

My nose is raw, I have intermittant migraines, and there seems to be some sort of whirring noise going on that no one else can hear.

Mutiny I Say!

This is mutiny! How dare my sinuses attempt to fail me now? Of all times? When I have, like, a life to live, my assistant to fire tomorrow, and two adorable kids that need tickling!!!! Not to mention clients to call! I dont want to tell our clients that Minnie Mouse is on the job and ready to handle their financial concerns!

BAH I SAY!

Countdown

So my mother likes to say each year that she has created a monster. Every year, starting on September 9th or so, I start the countdown to my birthday. So yesterday every third word I said had everything to do with the fact that my birthday was exactly a month away. What? You didn't know that sexy-hot-greatness was born 3+ decades ago??
Birthdays were a big deal growing up, and regardless of the fact that I am increasing in age, my birthday is a huge deal to me each year. Each year I look at what I have done, and what I would like to do for the coming months. This has been a very eventful year... and I think that I will call this past year Prebirth. All the pains and growth and mishaps and aches of reconfiguring my life have kept me busy this past year. Even though I wasn't totally aware of what I was doing, in the back of my mind there were a half - a- dozen little secretaries taking notes and putting together powerpoint presentations. They were busy showing me the reality that I have been ignoring - consciously or not.

So this next year will be Rebirth. My secretaries and I will be pouring over tomes of data, I'll be sitting through grueling meetings and in the end, I think I'll finally get that promotion I deserve.



Random Aside:

While the kids were frolicking naked in the bathroom last night, I was filling the tub and gathering jammies and diapers. Little adorable Riley-Gurl took a wad of toilet paper off the roll, hiked up a leg and wiped her cute little gurl bits and threw the paper in the toilet. I was beside myself!!! Here she is, just turned two and she's halfway to potty training!! I then took that opportunity to show The Boy what awesomeness his little sister just showed me and after two tries I got him to wipe his bottom just the same. It was a great night. There was a ton of praise, and some wonderful snuggling before they slipped off into dreamland.

Hostile Takeover

So my adorable, high maintenance son has been kidnapped and replaced with Isaak Mizrahi.
I place the kids clothes out each night before bed as they wind down with a video. In the wee, dark hours of the morning, I dress them. First - Riley. She is so sweet and warm and cooperative. She holds up each little foot for socks even though her eyes are still glued shut. She'll sit up and drape herself across my shoulder while I hike her pants up and put on her shirt. Riley doesn't really open her eyes until we are out the door.
And then, Sawyer. As with all things, everything is a chance for an argument with Sawyer. He is a very contrary child. One day, while he's at the kitchen table doing his homework, he'll engage me in conversation about the historical significance of Beowulf. At which, my answer will sound similar to a cat being declawed. "Son, I hated that tome when I read it. But you must persevere, for one day some beautiful woman will make an obscure reference concerning Grendl and you will have to marry her."

Back to The Boy.
He has become obsessively interested in his wardrobe. He wants the red shirt. He wants shoes with no socks. No, he doesn't like that jacket, he wants the yellow one.
I mean, if he wants to grow up and be a famous pretentious fashionista, that's all well and fine. But at 7am, I am the one in charge, and he is merely my poppet.

To say that I am impressed with his communication lately is an understatement. He has had some very good direction on potty training at daycare, and now will always tell me if he has a soiled diaper. He woke me and Riley up from a nap on Saturday to tell me that. And while my first inclination was to groan at him, I quickly perked up and showered him with praise. I wish I got a hug and kiss each time I took a shit in my pants!

Many thanks to Ayala...

...for sending me an ecard this morning. I have found a website that reminds me just how weak my bladder is.

I know many wonderful women. And yes, my friend, we are indeed badasses.

Huzzzah!

Cute teenage obsessions: Part One

There's somethin 'bout a guy with a sword...

Twenty four months

My dearest Riley-Gurl:
Today you turn 2 years old. You have lived as many months as there are hours in a day. To put it into that perspective makes the last two years of activity seem more diminutive than it really was. You started walking before you were 10 months. You were the sweetest, most joyful baby until about 9 months ago. My theory is that you started being sassy in an effort to outshine your brother's moodiness.
You are a very observant little girl. You take your time in warming up to people, but everyone loves you the instant they see you.
You have a very small voice. The strangest thing about your voice is how raspy it is. Your little voice is very similar to that of a chain smoking truck driver...only really high pitched....and sickeningly adorable. You often say "I don't want it" and such a defiant statement sounds cute coming from you. In fact, everything sounds cute coming from your little pursed mouth.
You have had a trying few days. You have been fighting a chest cold and first thing every morning for the last 3 days you cough so much that you get sick. You got a bloody nose on the playground yesterday from a fall, and you bumped your head twice. After all that, you spent the rest of the evening on my hip or with your head on my shoulder. The world was too big and scary yesterday. Riley, the world is very big, and very scary - especially for little women like us. But like I whispered in your ear last night, I'm right here.
For the past week I have seen to you and Sawyer's every need. I have put you to bed, I have been there for your "Good Morning"'s. I have never been so happy in my life. Nothing can prepare you for the pains of life, Riley. But know that there is love and joy and hope in life. Right now, you and your brother are my love, my life, my joy, my hope and determination.
Any time you want to just curl up on my lap, I will be there for you. No matter how big you are, or how big and scary the world seems.
I love you my sweet, tiny little gurl.

Love,

Mommy