P.S.

And just because I have to give voice to the pit in my gullet...

There is a woman I got to know in Minneapolis. Strong, sassy, born and raised out east. We became friends. Good friends. I respect this woman so very much.

She sat by me and my tumultuous life for as long as she could. And then, she bailed.

I thought she bailed due to some little squabble over some cancelled plans. But no.

Bigger reasons were afoot.

She has admitted to me that she had to stop talking to me because of the hell of my life, what I was putting myself through and - essentially - because she lost respect for me.

I never ever ever want to A) put anyone else in a position where they have to make that decision and B) let things get that bad that people who I hold in the highest regard lose respect for me.

I cannot really explain how sick to my stomach I am at this point. Furious. Enraged. Ashamed.

It's over, I know it is. But shit like this is a kick in the gonads. How could I do that to myself?

I'm so, so sorry hun. I swear to you and myself that you need never endure such masochism from me. Thank you for telling me.